So here's the situation: 

My client, Jay, was texting with a woman on Bumble. He suggested meeting up, but she was waiting on some out-of-town plans and couldn't confirm right away.

He didn’t want the connection to fizzle out, and felt a phone call or Zoom call would be the right next step. (Good move, btw!)

A little backstory: 

Jay was tired of walking on eggshells with these apps. He told me he was keen to come across as confident and assertive with this ask, not clingy.

I helped Jay achieve this. Pull up a chair… 🪑

Jay popped into my inbox with this message:

His next email rolled in seconds later. Here’s the message he was planning to send her:

As you can see, he ended his messaging by asking me if it was “too much”…

Short answer: Yes, it’s too much!! 😅

Let me tell you i can smell his ego (FEAR) a mile away.

Maybe he’s scared she’ll say no, or that she’s not really interested to begin with.

So what exactly is wrong with this message?

Well, everything. But to break it down…

All he cares about is his agenda.

His ego is in the way, and he wants a specific outcome. As a result, he ends up treating her like a means to an end.

No bueno.

Jay was waiting for me to respond…

It would have been easy for me to tell him exactly what to say to her.

But the secret to successful dating is to be authentic so that you can build connection in any scenario.

This quote came to mind… “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”

So I said this instead:

To be honest, I took a bit of a risk! This wasn’t a client I knew that well, and I had no idea how he would interpret this kind of advice.

But soon after, his name popped up in my inbox again..

Here’s his 2nd attempt after taking my advice to heart:

OK WHOA.

Let’s take a moment to just acknowledge (and appreciate) the total 180 here.

Do you see it?

It’s night and day!☀️🌚 

Let’s break down the new message:

1. It’s conversational — “How’s your week?” / “When are you leaving?”

2. It’s personal — he builds a connection by talking about his life as a teacher in a playful way.

3. He’s including her in the decision making process — “Want to plan forward…?”

Most importantly, the entire energy has shifted. There is no fear in this message, it’s Chill. Inviting. Relatable.

And one more thing…

In a million years, I couldn’t have written this for him. And that’s the $100M strategy… It’s AUTHENTIC!

And there it is, the journey of how intentionally detachign from the outcome can have a profound effect on your interactions with woman, and thus… your entire dating life.