Greetings Gentlemen,

Welcome to the upside of the dating world. I’m Coach Kavita 🙋🏻‍♀️ Love Coach for Men. Each week, I share expert dating advice to help you get better at dating.

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Why you can't make it past the first date 🤷

Let me paint a picture for you.

After endless 'Right' swipes, you get a match - finally.

You muster up the courage to ask her out. She's open to it. Great - the wheels are in motion.

The date goes OK.

Both worn out by the process, you casually agree to see each other again.

In the following days, you try to set up a second date. Conversation is moving, but slow 🐢

Your schedules are busy and it's hard to find a time that works.

This cat-and-mouse game continues.

As the days go by, you do your best to keep the conversation alive, but the initial spark starts to fade.

Until finally, she stops responding.

And just like a bottle left uncorked, you're forced to start over, each time feeling less spirited than before 😕

But what if early stage dating didn't have to be such a pounding headache? What if there was a straightforward path that could simplify getting into the next phase?

Well, there is.

💡 I’ve coined it the ‘Familiar First Approach’.

This strategy is inspired by a psychological phenomenon known as the Mere Exposure Effect. It's a straightforward principle about how humans tend to cultivate a preference for things as they become more familiar.

Think about that pop song you weren't into at first, but after a few listens, you couldn't help but tap your foot along to the beat 🎶

When we apply this concept to dating, it suggests that the more familiar we become with someone, the more likely we are to develop a fondness towards them.

Pretty convenient, huh?

We made a diagram for you that breaks it down:

But can it be that simple? I believe so.

Before I dive into how to use the ‘Familiar First Approach’, let's take a quick moment to reflect on why you need it.

Enter: The dismissive dating culture we live in today *whomp whomp*.

We've become a society in a hurry to decide if someone is "worth" our time. First dates have become less about excitement and more about ticking boxes. We've lost sight of romance, the joy of getting to know someone, the art of conversation, and being present in the moment.

We're not suggesting you waste your time either. We know chemistry is important and when you truly know there's zero connection ❌ on a first date, it's OK to move on.

But! If there's a glimmer of potential - a good conversation, a shared interest, even just a feeling of comfort - give it a chance. Just as wine gets better with age, attraction can grow over time 🌱

Alright, let's run it back, this time armed with the Familiar First Approach 💪

After endless 'Right' swipes, you get a match - finally.

You muster up the courage to ask her out. She's open to it. Great - the wheels are in motion.

The date goes OK.

Both worn out by the process, you casually agree to see each other again.

And here's where you break the cycle 💣

Rather than waiting weeks for your busy schedules to line up, you'll use the Familiar First Approach, which encourages you to aim for more frequent, low-pressure meet-ups.

The secret lies in the moments squeezed between your already packed calendars.

Here are some examples:

☕ Grabbing a morning coffee before work.
🐾 Walking her dog together.
🏋️‍♂️ Dropping her off at the gym after work.
🛍️ Running an errand together – grocery shopping, returning clothes etc.
🥗 A quick bite over your lunch hour.
🚗 Sharing a drive to a common destination.
🛠️ Offering to help with a simple task, like assembling furniture.
👨🏿‍💻 Scheduling short FaceTime calls when you have downtime.

These are simple, real-life interactions that allow both of you to show your authentic selves, far from the pressure of 'performing' which can sometimes accompany traditional dates that are fewer and far between.

I recommend seeing each other in this casual manner 4-5 times in the first 2-3 weeks after your first date.

The goal is to give familiarity a chance to weave its magic! 🪄

Does this require a time sacrifice on your part? Probably. But this first investment could save you from the endless cycle of starting over. It could be the thing that leads to actual rewarding dating experiences, and maybe even a girlfriend.

I can already hear you thinking “But won't she think it's weird if I start suggesting these unconventional 'non-dates'?"

First, this is not about bombarding your date with invitations or rushing the relationship.

Clear communication here is not only necessary but the KEY. Being open about your approach will ensure you don’t come across as needy or over-eager.

You might say something like:

💬 "Hey, I know our schedules are packed. In the past, this has made it tough to set up a proper second date. So, why don't we try something different? We could grab coffee before work or take a quick lunch together. You know, keep things easy and see if we vibe :)"

Or…

💬 “Hey, we're both juggling a lot these days, right? I've noticed when we try to pencil in an official date, it gets tricky. That’s why I’m thinking of some easier meet ups, like maybe I can pick you up after work tomorrow and bring you to the nail appointment you mentioned, or even hop on FaceTime? This way we can see if we click without all the pressure :)"

Or…

💬 “I know we're both busy. What do you think of trying to make some time during the ‘in-between’ parts of our day, just to see if there's something here that’s worth exploring further :) ?”

^{⚠️ WARNING! AVOID THIS MISTAKE! ⚠️}

Don't confuse this strategy with trying to build familiarity through endless messaging.

Sending long texts all day won't work. If anything, it can easily backfire.

In order for your connection to grow, what you need is real, face-to-face contact early on, even if that means video calls.

Attempting to maintain lengthy text conversations with someone you barely know can be draining, and it’s too easy for things to be taken out of context. A single perceived 'lull' in the conversation can prematurely end a budding connection.

So unless you're a naturally gifted texter, or it feels effortless when messaging each other, we recommend easing up on the texts for now and focusing more on those low-pressure meetups.

And there you have it! Think of the 'Familiar First Approach' as a vintage wine that's new to your cellar. Unfamiliar, yes, but holds the promise to significantly enhance your dating experiences.

This isn't simply a strategy change; it's an evolution in your journey, a step towards a more rewarding love life.

As you plunge back into the dating pool, uncork this approach with an open heart. Remember, the finest wines - and the richest relationships - need time to breathe 😮‍💨

So here's to your success in love, gentlemen, one sip at a time. Cheers! 🍷

That's all for now! Thanks for reading, and see you next time 🫡

—The Dating Dose Team ❤️

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